About My Journey

“The Lasting Beauty of a Gentle and Tranquil Spirit.”- 1 Peter 3:3-4

“Let your beauty, not be external the braiding of hair and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes, but the inner person of the heart, the lasting beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in God’s Sight.” 1 Peter 3:3-4

In a world where beauty standards saturate the media and we are continuously pumped with negative and unrealistic representations of beauty, our self-esteem can be severely tested. As black women, we are faced with the added pressure to conform to beauty standards, which overwhelmingly favor a Eurocentric aesthetic.

This is a blog where I will attempt to find out who I am through prayer and healing.  hope to provide healing and inspiration for black women and all women. In case you haven’t noticed the title of our blog is scripture from Some of my favorite scriptures: 1 Peter 3:3-4 and Song of Solomon 1:5. These inspiring and beautiful verses keep me grounded when I feel like everywhere I turn, Black women are under attack.

I used to have separate blogs. One where I discussed Christian issues, with an emphasis on the spiritual battles that Black women deal with and one that discussed secular issues, like sex, internet bashing, beauty standards, movies, self-esteem, interracial dating and all of those others issues that impact me and many others on a daily basis. My old Christian blog is titled “blackyetlovely.wordpress.com” It was taken from the Song of Solomon. If aren’t familiar click the link above. However, I decided to combine that blog with this blog because try as I might, I cannot separate my secular self from my Christian self because my Christian identity and secular identity are entwined. I may be a Christian, but I still think about sex, I still struggle with  bitterness, anger and other issues. I still think about pop culture and I still struggle with beauty standards. These are not just secular issues, they are intimately connected to my spiritual life and I must address ALL of myself, if I want to move forward with my journey. So here on this blog, you will find that I will quote scripture and then in the next paragraph, maybe I’ll discuss sex explicitly because that’s my reality. That is what I struggle with and I can’t lie to myself anymore and have the alternate, disconnected lives going on. My Spiritual and secular life are entwined, they make me who I am. They are part of my identity. If I want to heal, I have to see myself in all it’s entirety. I am not proud of everything that I think and desire, but I have to get it out of me and address it to move forward.

Anyway,  about me personally. I am a Christian Black woman.  I grew up in predominately white enviorment where I often felt ashamed of being black. I tried to conform to society’s expectations for me, yet I was ashamed of being who I truly was. I am learning to embrace who I am because I am made in God’s image. Sometimes when I hear all the negativity and I experience the hardships that come from being black, I get angry. I am hoping to manage my anger through prayer and now blogging. I hope this blog can be a positive outlet where I can disseminate information and reflect on my experiences, without being negative. The title of my blog comes from the fact that I hope to get people to reject the notion that any positive trait in a black woman (or black person) is to be attributed to something ‘white’ about them. Just because a black woman is beautiful, intelligent and articulate does not make her a “white girl dipped in chocolate.” I am a black woman period.

Although this blog will mostly focus on my experiences as a black woman, I will also write on other topics as I please. All people are welcome to comment in a respectful manner.



34 thoughts on “About My Journey”

  1. Interestingly, I just stumbled across your blog and learned that we both share a common experience; we both grew up in a predominately white, middle class neighborhood. However, I never experienced the shame of being black as an adolescent or even as an adult. Growing up my blackness was a uniqueness amongst my white friends which was adored. And of course, I did experience some prejudice by ignorant non blacks, but I don’t remember it ever hurting my self-esteem.

    In addition, a book I would recommend to any black woman or man who had your experiences growing up is Nobody Knows My Name by James Baldwin. It is a collection of essays that really explains the how, when, where, and why we as black people have certain experiences in America which separates our experiences from other ethnic groups in the US. I absolutely love this collection of essays!

    Another thing…you said, “Sometimes when I hear all the negativity and I experience the hardships that come from being black, I get angry.” I often too hear and read negative comments about black people but I’m not bothered by them since I have learned that these comments are coming from ignorant people. And when I say “ignorant”, I am including those who have a B.A. M.B.A., Ph.D, and etc. One can be educated within their profession while simultaneously have the most abysmal ignorance concerning the world around them.

    Nonetheless, I think your blog is quite engaging, and I plan to read even more entries!


    1. I personally think that she has a lot of courage and perhaps in the long tunnel of America there is a slight ray of hope. Regarding James Baldwin he died in Saint-Paul de Vence, France. I read his book Another Country at least five times and what impressed me was his reflection that America consist of two societies that past each other without regard or consideration for the well being of the other. Baldwin indicated that there would never be a meeting of the two societies. The daily insults and degradation that occurs in today’s America (2014) are unacceptable and unforgiving. Being a Black person who is not recognized as being Black the white insults and attitudes represent a danger to you every day existence. Like Baldwin I left the United States. I had the feeling that Baldwin if he had stayed, would have gone crazy. He died speaking a foreign language in a country what was not populated with people who learned to hate with the reception of their mother´s milk. To live in America is a slow castration. The pain is unbearable and there is no medication. I look at my children and have to speak another language to communicate with them. My youngest child is very much impressed with the Black culture in the USA and she is not aware of her DNA. My other child made the tour of universities in the USA and strongly indicated the racist attitude that was rampant among the white people and she and her friends terminated their visit claiming a lack of maturity among young white people. I will not claim that there is no racist feelings here in Europe. Listening to Germany and Dutch business people explain their preference for Black America women because of their sexual appeal is perhaps not a compliment. The one thing is that there was no indication of violence or attempt to take advantage of Black women but simply a basic attraction to their body language and overall attractiveness compared to the Nordic woman. Perhaps one can say that the insult is still there but the sound and smell of violence is totally missing. I think that the writer, woman has courage, more than I had. I am sitting in my village reflecting on the rich culture I gave up out of fear of existing as an American in America and can only take my hat off to her. I hope that there are many that will follow her. From my point of view America is being watched and the question is being raised if this is the land we want to follow or be like. Perhaps she can change this image.


  2. How INSIGHTFUL of you to have taken your pain, your angst, your displeasure with how you were made to feel as a Black woman growing up in this Eueocentric society- and to have channeled that here into a positive form of exploration and discussion. Bravo to you on the journey sister!


  3. I am so happy I found this blog! I know how you fell growing up and living in a prodom. white world. I look forward to more of your entires!


  4. I’ve commented on your blog numerous times as Tzipporah. I really enjoy reading what you say because this is my only real chance to speak to someone Christian. From my previous comments you probably gathered that I led a sheltered lifestyle. I would really appreciate it if you could read my blog and maybe come up with an issue I could bring you in as a guest writer for. I only started my blog this week and I’m trying to be as confrontational as possible (that was a joke; the reference is to the essay Confrontation) so that would be really helpful. I’m sure we have a lot to disagree about. This would really mean a lot to me and it would be a very educational experience.


  5. Hello there BnW, DiC:

    Please visit the blog again, BLACKWOMENOFBRAZIL.COM. Look on the front page near the top and you’ll see an e-mail address. After reading your article on your first day in Brazil, I definitely want to kick it with you!

    Hope to hear from you soon!
    Abraços from BWofBRAZIL


  6. Will you do an article on my site about the paradox of boyfriendism: that in saying that religious divorce is evil, we actually end up creating a culture where there is no monetary compensation at all if a partner leaves you to support your children without any help on their part?


  7. Hi, I gotta admit, at first I was put off by the title of your blog a little bit – didn’t get it at first and perceived it as white-negative (I am white, so a lil sensitive on that topic). Read this ‘About’ section to find out more – I understand now and I really respect your attitude. What’s great about each person comes from who they are and not from who they are not, so I don’t even understand someone attributing any ‘good’ traits to be coming from ‘white’ if they are black. In my mind, if you are who you are (white or black or anything else or combination thereof) then everything that is ‘good’ or ‘bad’ (very ambiguous definitions here, too) comes from you being you. No matter the environment you are raised in, your parents, peers, etc. These are influences, true, but they are only that and influences shape you, like water can shape a stone, but they will never be a part of the stone themselves. My two cents. Congrats on your blog!


  8. I was also raised in a mostly White environment and faced the same issues you have. I struggled with self hate and not liking my Black features especially comparing myself to non Black girls. I also struggled with loving myself and my race. These days, I love being Black and I am learning my history. I am glad that you made this blog because I really like it and the posts you write are so well written.


  9. @Peanut

    Awesome blog!!

    @Al K. Lloyd

    Let’s have a chat, white guy to white guy. Seriously, shut your racist face.


  10. @Lord of Mirkwood

    I don’t like racists, but I also don’t like self-righteous hyper-sensitive PC-police.
    You are so quick to call everyone racists so no one will think you are one, is that it?

    Seriously, you are white, but you play the race card more than Jesse Jackson.


  11. Great blog Pumpkin. Which city are you from? and how is living in that city shapes your perspective in racial/gender relations? Thanks.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s