Diary of a Mad White Man

Dear World,

I am a White Man in America and let me tell you, white men in America ARE OPPRESSED! Thank God for Donald Trump because now we ,white men, who are in danger of extinction might actually have a chance of survival.

Every day I wake up in my 4 bedroom home and look out onto the clean, paved roads of my suburban neighborhood and wonder…”why is my life so hard?” Everywhere I look, I see white men being oppressed.

Why just the other day, I went to Starbucks and put in a coffee order and it took the Black barista  A WHOLE FIVE MINUTES…FIVE WHOLE MINUTES, to make my coffee order. I was so angry, I nearly spit in her face! I tried to keep my cool, but I just couldn’t contain myself. When my coffee order was finally ready, I grabbed it, then turned and yelled “We WON, TRUMP IS PRESIDENT, you %$&^#!!!” How dare this Black woman oppress me by not making my coffee order as fast as I want??


Did I mention that minorities are taking over our jobs. I mean it’s not like white men out earn pretty much every other group in the United States, it’s not like there is a wealth gap or anything. No, the Blacks and Mexicans are taking over all the jobs…

When I told this to my housekeeper, Maria, she got all upset…she even implied that I was being racist or something. How could she say this to me? I told her three times, that she wasn’t like the others, I mean she’s like part of our family, just because MOST Mexicans are taking our jobs, doesn’t mean I can’t still like her, as our housekeeper!

Besides, every time we white men do something, it’s always seen as racist. I’m the least racist person out there. You know who’s really racist…minorities…especially Black people. I mean, what’s up with that affirmative action? Every where I look, I see unqualified minorities in good jobs and good schools. It’s not like white people ever get affirmative action. I mean sure, I may have gotten into college because my Daddy went there, but it’s not like the legacy policy is affirmative action, it’s not like it benefits white men more than anyone else, it’s an equal thing! On the other hand, White men don’t get priority in hiring, we didn’t benefit from affirmative action policies in the housing market, it’s not like Black people were ever banned from buying houses or living in certain neighborhoods. It’s not like a white person earns more than a Black person with the same level of education!

It’s all nonsense! Black people need to pull themselves up by the boot straps, just like us white men did!

I mean look at Donald Trump…sure, he bankrupted a few of his companies, sure he doesn’t have any political experience, sure he doesn’t have any graduate degrees, sure he had a  multi-million dollar loan from his father to start his company…what did Obama ever do? All he did was go to Harvard and Columbia and then become a state senator and congressmen…. And Remember Reverend Wright! It’s not like Trump would be associated with someone who was a neo-nazi or a Racist or anything like that!

White men have it the hardest, it’s not like most federal employees are white men, it’s not like most of the Congress is white men, it’s not like most fortune 500 CEO’s are white men, it’s not like most University Presidents are white men, it’s not like most Professors, at the doctoral level, are white men! We just had 8 years of a Black President, sure every other President in American history has been a white male, save one, so what!!

White men get nothing! Black people and other minorities are taking over!

When I came home from work the other day, the first thing I did was drink a nice, cold beer, then I sat in front of the computer and went to my favorite white supremacist news website. I don’t trust any other media, so I only read one. I believe every tweet, every stat and every word written. These are the real truth tellers. I sipped my beer and scrolled through post after post, all written by oppressed white men just like me! This is our only safe space!

Speaking of safe spaces, Black men are stealing our women! I’m getting sick of going outside and seeing Black men with our white women. Why can’t they just stick to playing basketball and keep their hands off of our delicate,  white flowers! Just last week, I caught a text between my white girlfriend and a black coworker and I nearly went berserk! I snatched the phone and texted him back, “My girl would rather kill herself than be with you! Trump won, you $&##%@!”

I felt satisfied for standing up for myself. The worst thing that could ever happen would be if my girl slept with a Black man…It’s not like the guy was Lexington Steele or anything…not that I watch that kind of stuff!! Any way, we must continue to keep the white race pure. I mean, it’s not like white men ever slept with women of color, it’s not like entire ethnic groups in Brazil, the Caribbean, the U.S and across the Continent of Africa only exist because of white men miscegenation with colored women….no way, no how!

Well, it’s almost time for supper. We’re having meatloaf, so I must go.


Bigot McSmallDick III.




4 thoughts on “Diary of a Mad White Man”

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