I wrote a guest post for Abagond’s blog. There was a hot discussion on Abagond’s post about his views on Black women and white men interracial relationships. I stated that I felt that often internalized hatred and inequality fueled some Black people, particularly Black men to date interracial. I stated that I found that Black people who excluded their own race or who bashed Black women were more than likely indoctrinated to view Blacks, especially Black women as inferior. I caused quite a stir because some felt that I was criticizing or trying to dissuade Black men from dating interracially, while allowing Black women to date interracially.
I responded that I condemn self-hate in Black women as well. I do not believe that it is appropriate, given our history and the racial inequalities in this country (and the world) for Black men or Black women to exclude other Black people from their dating or marital pool. I think that from the day that Black people are born we are told that we’re inferior and unworthy of equality and love. We are encouraged by the media to degrade other Black people and I believe that the media is very biased in it’s portrayal of Black people, especially Black couples.
Black couples and Black people in general are portrayed as dysfunctional, yet the media markets interracial relationships (solely to Black people) and portrays them as being superior to Black relationships, as if there is something inherently better about pursuing a romantic relationship with a white person as opposed to a Black person. Movies like Precious, The Help, Flight and Monster’s Ball all portray Black relationships as dysfunctional. In contrast, films like Red Tails, Save the Last Dance and Hitch portray Black men as being happier with a non-Black woman. There is no equality in the portrayal of Black people in the media. The message is the same over and over again, “white is superior and Black people assimilate into whiteness.” There are plenty of racist people in interracial relationships and because Black men date and intermarry far more than Black women do, it is more common to see this mentality of internalized hatred exhibited in Black men who intermarry. I do not believe that Black women are as guilty of this type of internalized racism by the mere fact that Black women date and intermarry less. Although Black women certainly have internalized racism, but it exhibits itself more commonly in other ways and of course there are exceptions like the BWE crowd who push interracial relationships as a superior alternative to relationships with Black men. However, the reality is, it is far more common (in my experience) to encounter Black men who malign Black women and uplift non-Black women as a superior alternative to Black women.
All things being equal, I do not think there is anything inherently wrong with interracial relationships. But, white supremacy is rampant and Blacks are indoctrinated from birth to view whiteness as superior, so it is my opinion that some Black people, more than people will admit, enter into interracial relationships with negative views of other Black people. There is a reason that most Black children pick the white doll in the Black doll vs. white doll experiment. The reason is that we are indoctrinated to view whiteness as being more beautiful, more natural and superior to Blackness. It would be naïve to think that this mentality would not manifest itself in our dating and marital choices as well.
There are some Black people, including Black men, who marry non-black people for honest love and that is fine, but when we have “men” like Tommy Sotomayor, Albert Haynesworth, Srgtwillipete and countless others maligning, stereotyping and dehumanizing Black women, that says there is a real problem in our community and mentally some Black people just cannot handle dating and marry interracially. But, at the end of the day, people will do as they please and it is their right to choose whatever mate of whatever color. But, I do not believe any one can truly be happy or truly love another human being if they hate themselves.
So this isn’t about interracial relationships, it is more so about equality.
This is one of the many comments that I left on Abagond’s blog:
“I see the bias in the media and I know that there are racist reasons for people to get in interracial relationships, but I think that as I said awhile ago on the blog…telling people NOT to get into interracial relationships isn’t the way to go about correcting the root of the problem, which is white supremacy…and there are some interracial couples who just love each other and don’t have this mindset of self-hate or racism…so I wouldn’t want to throw EVERY interracial couple under the bus so to speak…
let’s be real.
We are all familiar with the Black doll/white doll test and we know that we live in a world where we are told again and again that Black is inferior and we have some people in the world who are telling us directly that we SHOULDN’T want to be around other Black people because we’re inferior. I know we have people telling us that white is something to aspire to and that is wrong…
but I feel like instead of telling people you shouldn’t date/marry/sex across racial lines, we should be working to educate ourselves as Black people about our natural beauty, our history, our accomplishments and just learn to value ourselves and truly see ourselves as equal to white people. Once we value each other, we wouldn’t have Black people who sought out white partners and excluded their own race because they felt consciously or subconsciously that white was superior. It would be more balanced and equal. We wouldn’t have the issues with self-hate and people would value other Black people and if Black person did decided to marry/date etc. interracially, then they would be doing it because they really liked the person as opposed to doing it because they were brainwashed to look down on Black people.”
When I said these things on Abagond, it offended some people. So, I responded with the following guest post: