Married White Men Seeking Discreet Sexual Encounters with Black Women on Craigslist


We live in a culture that tells us day in and day out that Black women are the bottom of the totem pole. It wasn’t too long ago that a study was published by Psychology Today that stated that Black women were “objectively the least attractive women.” The article was fallacious, but it certainly garnered a lot of attention. You can read more about it here.

There was also an OK cupid “study,” that showed that Black women were the race of women who were responded to the LEAST, even though they responded to men the most.

If we believe all of this hype, it would seem that Black women are just ugly, undesirable…and so incredibly unattractive that no man would ever dare look at us in a sexual manner.

Outwardly, Black women are portrayed as the least desirable and the ultimate un-woman.

However, I decided to do a little experiment to see if this was true. So, I went on craigslist and posted an ad. *

In the ad, I specified that I was a Black woman. I gave my height, my weight and I specified that I was seeking A MAN who enjoyed physical activities, who was fun-loving, and open-minded. I mentioned that I enjoyed various hobbies like swimming, dancing, rock climbing, jazz and I stated that I was not afraid of intimacy.

I did NOT specify that I was interested in any particular race of man.  I posted the ad in the NSA (no strings attached category) and I also posted an altered version of the ad in the LTR (long term relationship category) of the personals section. I was expecting that most of my responses would come from Black men because I am a Black woman, but these were my results.

I received roughly 442 responses and  of the 442 response, 375  were from white males. Of the 375, about half were from married white males. About 15% of the responses were from Black men and the remaining  responses were from Hispanic, one Indian and one Native American man. Many of the responses included pictures, phone numbers and sexually explicit references.

It is worth noting that I did NOT specify white men in my craigslist ad, but I did specify that I was a Black woman. Yet, most of responses were from white men…It is also worth noting that most of  responses came from NSA category as opposed to the LTR category.

Many of the MWM, wanted discreet, sexual encounters. Some stated that they were going to be “in my area,” for the weekend, “discretion is a must”…”please respond back. ”

There were also white men who made references to Black men’s alleged sexual prowess  in several of the responses…yep. One comment in particular from a white male stood out to me. He said that he was told that he was “like an African-American man from the waist down”…

Now, I know this experiment is by no means scientific, but the fact that more white men responded back to a Black woman’s craigslist ad than Black men says to me that there is some hypocrisy going on in society.

The impression that I got was that white men are not comfortable with admitting their attraction to Black women publicly. I wondered if maybe some of the white men who responded to my ad on craigslist would have been the same white men who checked the “anything but black box,” of their profile on dating websites. Would these same white men reject a Black woman openly because society portrays Black women as the least desirable? The fact that most of my responses came from the no strings attached ad that I placed and that the majority of the MWM wanted a “discreet encounter,” says that these men are not comfortable with being seen with Black women publicly at all and it also tells me that perhaps many white men view Black women as not being good enough for a long term relationship, but good enough for a discreet, dirty, shameful sex encounter.

Why hasn’t anyone done a study on the number married white men seeking sex with random Black women on craigslist…??

Let me know your thoughts?

*This experiment is by no means scientific, just my personal observations

24 thoughts on “Married White Men Seeking Discreet Sexual Encounters with Black Women on Craigslist”

  1. I think a NSA ad on Craigslist would attract the worst WM out there, who are not LTR material. First of all, those MWM are automatically creeps for cheating on their wives. Second, if they are just looking for a sexual encounter that means they regard women as sex objects and could never be a quality mate. Decent WM would not be looking for a “relationship” on no-strings-attached ads.


  2. In my observation, and from data like OKCupid’s study, what I take away is that it seems like it’s white men and women who like white men that go to online dating sites. This theory of mine obviously hasn’t been tested but is another variable that we could look at when considering this type of behavior. There’s a tumblr blog out there where some Asian girl made a dating profile and she posts up all the creepy messages she gets from white guys. It’s some of the most disgusting and racist stuff I’ve ever seen.


  3. As challenging as it can be at times, black men and women should know by now that we need to ignore most of these studies and polls that only serve to demean and demoralize us. Sistas, to hell with anything that places you at the bottom of any list. Don’t get caught up in the pathology of others. We know that we live in a society that is dominated by those that have a legacy of lying. The possibility of some denying a preference for black women on dating profiles, yet seeking clandestine sexual exploits with them, it is not surprising.


  4. Good post. Though I know of plenty of white men who are married to black women and are not hiding their wives or children. I do not think it is that white men don’t find black back women desirable l think it is the majority of black women first or second choice isn’t a white man. As time goes on and the black man shortage grows because of jail, killings, interracial dating on black men’s part you will have a generation or two of black women sacrifice themselves, but after that dating and marrying out will happen in a big way. Especially as it get out there that black men are so unhappy with black women. More of that 45% of single black women that never marry won’t last long. They will eventually marry out. I see it happening where I live more and more of these women are hooking up with men they find in college and I’ve notice it to be Asian and Latinos mostly followed by whites and others.

    While taking such a pole on Craig’s list or other places may be interesting I think the picture is a little off. Also keep in mind that marriage is becoming less and less popular as d divorce and all of the entanglement becomes off putting. Couple this with a sizeable number of black men saying stupid stuff like anything , but a black woman. Well, more black women will feel vindicated and justified in dating out. Doesn’t mean black men don’t stand a chance it just means that black women will no longer be waiting for the eleventh hour for a black man to make family with. While this may have a unseen consequences nature will not tolerate a vacuum.

    I see sister getting it together in a big way these days. They are wearing their natural hair, taking better care of their health, doing a lot of mental healing like here on you blog, and starting to really love themselves. Sharing this love through sharing advice just look at natural hair how to on you tube and selling their hair stuff too. It is like this whole loving happy thing going on. It give hope you just gotta look for it.


    1. God no! Yuck!

      I would never consider dating White men or marrying one either. I prefer Black men and if I dated out, I would date Latino men or Indian(Indian from India) men.


  5. This is an interesting post as usual Peanut. As someone who has always dated men of all cultures (one of my first boyfriends was Cuban/German and another one was Philipino/British – how I found such diverse culture in a small town is beyond me) I’ve had some interesting experiences. Over the years I’ve learned that I can’t date a European-American man if it’s his first time dating an Afro-American woman. Even if their heart is in the right place, there usually is some sort of color-blindness bs there which there is an unspoken expectation that I’m goinig to leave talks of racism and marginilization at the door at family gatherings… (uh, no thanks) or that we can ‘take a break’ from racism. I used to not have a big problem with educating folks, but I don’t have the paitneice for that right now. So if I meet a European-American guy who seems interested, the first thing we’re talking about is racism, privelege, and the fact that we live in a racist society.

    My current partner (6.5 years – I wanted to wait until I finished grad school to talk about marriage but he’s been ready to make it official…) dated an Afro-American woman before me and her mom was a Black studies professor. He almost joined a Black fraternity in college, the history of recognizing our culture, struggle, and triumphs is there and that’s the only way I’d consider seeing him.

    These men who are replying to a nsa ad are just… trash. They can’t be bothered to get to know a woman and actually date her because they’re too busy playing videogames or pursuing interests and they feel that they’re entitled to sexual gratification at the expense of other people. Men can’t be bothered to talk to their wives and tell them they’re not happy in a relationship that they probably rushed into in the first place.

    I tell guys like that to pay a professional. I wish prostitution were legal. I’ve noticed a trend in ‘dating’ lately where men seem to have an expectation to women’s bodies under the guise of ‘sex-positivity.’ Men expect–and value the worth of women on–sex. It’s gross and I don’t think that it bodes well for society. People don’t know how to just talk anymore or how to value connections that are of a non-sexual nature.


  6. @FX – This is why I became a fan of this blog, which I was fortunate enough to stumble upon. I like FX’s politics, very confident and well grounded. I prefer to see black-on-black love, but the reality is that we should love for the sake of love, despite phenotype. However, race is always a real factor when we cross racial lines.


    1. @AnthonyLT – Thank you.

      I’m a fan of this blog as well and I came here from her comments on Abagond’s blog. Peanut is a deep thinker and she tells it like it is!


  7. -right….i noticed when i posted on dating sites,a shit load of white guys always answer and try to solicit me in a sexual manner too.never for a love thing but because they want some ‘hot chocolate’ (somebody called me that for real 😦 …) the fact is ,in order to maintain the hierarchy of racism,the desire for black people,male and female must be put away as attractiveness gives us value


  8. . Hello my dear friend, the pretty woman how are you? Please, I love you Declared in my heart That I Would Be Glad To meet you a woman for a serious relationship and friendship I am a woman WITH Koffi kaka I come from Africa oeust my email is my skype name is koffikaka


  9. . Hello my dear friend, the pretty woman how are you? Please, I’d make familiarized avecc a woman for serious relationship friendship I Koffi kaka unmarried I come from Africa oeust my email is my skype name is c koffikaka


  10. salut les jolie femme moi je suis un jeune homme noire célibataire 33ans pas d’enfant s’il te plait j’ai un un probléme est que j’ai un pénis trés gros et en forme viril et j’aime baiser beaucoup depuit fort longue temps je ne trouve pas une femme qui peux surporter mon sexe si je baise une fille elle fut de moi mais moi je suis a la recherche d’une femme banche ou noire qui aime sexe bien baiser pour fonder un foyer mon mail ou skype koffikaka j’éspere que j’aurai un message de la part d’une jolie femme qui acceptera de faire une vie a deux avec moi


  11. hi the pretty woman I am a young black man 33 years old single no children to please I have a problem is one that I have a very large penis and manly shape and I like to fuck a lot depuit very long time I can not find a woman who can surporter my sex if I kiss a girl it was me but I am looking for a formwork or black woman who loves sex fucked to start a family my email koffikaka @ yahoo. fr or skype koffikaka I hope I get a message from a pretty woman who is willing to make a life together with me


  12. No all women are the same you know? Some women are cold but some are hot. That’s right. I don’t think every woman is the same as men. White women are very supportive to men which they don’t usually depend on their men. They let their men do freely what they want to do. A white girl is dependent so she won’t want to change his guy. She can leave the guy if she does not like or love him anymore.


  13. In this unfortunate world of white supremacy, black women will unfortunately always be fetishized. Just go and have a look at some photographers on Flickr. Some of these old farts’ photostreams consist of 95% topless African girls. There’s literally thousands of pictures of African women who live according to their traditions instead of being westernized. There are rarely any pictures of the men. It’s always a girl or a woman baring her breasts, and I have to say, it gets really old. It’s not like the world (or at least those in the western world who have access to a computer) don’t know what the Himba/Oromo/Hamar-women look like. This is one of the reasons why certain white folks disgust me to the bone. (Actually, “Arabs” (they’re really Ottoman Turks, as the real arabs are black people) & Asian people are just the same, this kind of behavior is not exclusive to white people)

    It’s a damn shame that so many black men in USA have become indoctrinated to hate their sisters, because the way that it is now, with non-black people filling their thighs, butts and lips with plastic, they’re always going to fetishize the original woman. And that is freaking sickening.


  14. to some degree i can relate to your experience. not with dating online, as i’ve never done that, but with personal encounters. in my experience, white men find black women very attractive. i can’t count on all hands and feet (number’s too high) how often white men have shown and expressed attraction to me, even going so far as to say even in front of white women how much they thought i was beautiful, pretty, etc. flirting on me, and my best tippers, when i waitressed, was from white men. who thought i was cute. and decent-looking ones at that, and many of them were married. O.o the thing is though, usually they restrict their show of attraction to when other people aren’t around. they get bold then, because they dont’ have the eyes of the public/society on them. this has been my experience. so they will sometimes act on their desires when you’re alone with them for whatever reason, but if they think other people might find out, they pull away. which shows that contrary to popular belief, it’s not that they don’t find black women attractive. it’s that it’s against the status quo for them to admit it.


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