I AM Christian

Did you know that I am a Christian? I have another blog where I blog about my spiritual, religious life and journey. I want to keep up with it more. If nothing else, I want to learn how to have a fufilling life. I feel like I’ve kinda kept my spiritual life and my sexular, I mean secular life separate. I feel like I’m one person on one blog and another person on this blog. I want to be both those people. I truly don’t feel like you can separate spiritual life from secular life. At one point or another, the other spills into the other one. I think to have a truly fufilling life, you need to learn to live as if the two are intertwined. I need to learn to live that way anyway.

I believe in Jesus as my savior, I truly value his lesson and teachings. I feel like if I applied them more to my everyday life, my life would be more fufilling. I would love to learn how to do that, not in a superficial way, but in a real way.

I also struggle with my sexuality because of this. I am not happy to admit that I have indulged my sexual lusts as of late. I’ve kinda been reading sexual material, looked at just a little porn and I kinday  masturbated. I don’t think touching yourself or anything is wrong, but when the lust controls your life or when it changes who you are or makes you feel ashamed then I do feel it’s wrong. I don’t like feeling that way and there’s nothing wrong with having a healthy sexuality, but it’s gotta reflect my spiritual life too.

I wish God could show me three things.

1. How to serve him in truth

2. How to be happy

3. How to have both a health sexual image & honor my temple

4. How to forgive all those who’ve hurt me or hurt others. Including those Black women bashers, those people at my job. I can forgive them, I just want God to show me the fruits of forgiveness and help me to understand how and what forgiveness truly is, not just say “I forgive,” but live it.

But, I do forgive in my heart, strive to move forward.


John 16:24

Until now you have asked nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.



I want to live a fruitful life. I am praying and asking for God to help me have a fruitful life. Please Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, show me the way, help me to have a fruitful life starting today. Forgive me of my sins Lord and I will and can forgive all those who sinned against me. Show me how to do that Jesus Christ so that I may have a fruitful life.




P.S, it would also be nice if I could find a church or Christian organization or something that is more geared at people my age.

Also, I know not everyone shares same beliefs, but please no disrespectful comments against my beliefs or other people’s beliefs for that matter.

20 thoughts on “I AM Christian”

  1. I admire your candidacy and honesty Peanut even though I don’t necessarily agree with all your views. This is the level at which, I believe, Abagond’s posts have yet to reach in reconciling his own Christian/religious views. And you are right to link both sexuality and religion.as they are both intimately connected as in deed I am sure you are finding out!


  2. So, where is this other blog??

    Yeah I think spirituality and normal life need to combine not be kept separate. Life is a spiritual journey, no?

    I shouldn’t really laugh, but it’s kind of funny how you are really struggling with your sexuality – as you mention this in most of your writings. Amazing, isn’t it? Almost like your body has a life of its own and sometimes you feel you are just along for the journey?? Sometimes your emotions just run away from you and you struggle to regain control… Ah, the forces that play upon us mere mortals. 🙂


    1. no it’s okay to laugh, i am kinda struggling with my sexuality. I feel like a prude, but I want to break out of my shell. I fear I’ll be a virgin forever and never experience one of the most intimate acts of humanity. I really would like to make love truly, I would be said if I never got to do that. You say ofcourse I’ll lose it, but I know people who are older than me who haven’t done it yet and may never do it because they’re in the same situation as me.

      the other blog is http://blackyetlovely.wordpress.com/


      1. Can I be honest with you?

        I have never done it either so I kind of see where you are coming from. For example, the movie the 40yr old virgin wasn’t that funny to me because that is actually something that is within the realms of possibility.

        However, as time has gone by, I have become ok with it. I figure, can’t miss what you haven’t experienced. Also, I have a diverse group of friends, (or should I say, had before I moved cities) and some were raging sexual maniacs, others like me were still yet to do it, then some had just been with the 1 person.

        I just think people fall into all categories and you gotta be in one and it so happens this is the one you’re in. Like your own personal adventure in this world.

        Through the years my mind has swung from, “I am missing out on being human, I am failing at being a guy, am going to be one of those middle aged losers one day” etc etc.. 🙂 Now, FINALLY, I am sort of ok with it. I say sort of because I guess you can never be completely ok with it.

        Do I feel like I am missing out on life? Honestly speaking, no. However, one day, I’d like to see life from a concept of “we” rather than “I”, I think that’d be an interesting perspective to experience the world from.

        Also, now you know why I read your blog. I kind of relate to your story.


      2. wow you’re only the second guy i’ve known to abstain that long. it’s nothing to feel bad about if that’s your choice. do you choose to abstain for religious reason, or it just “hasn’t happened,” yet?

        I know one guy who is a virgin and he is 25. don’t kno of any other guys at that age yet. but we’re about the same age and in a similar boat.


      3. I am agnostic so it’s not for religious reasons. It just hasn’t happened yet is closer to the answer. It’s both my choice and not my choice. It’s not my choice because I can’t just say, “You know what, I am going to do it today” but it’s also my choice because I don’t pursue the issue like I should i.e. with one goal in mind.


      4. So I was busy catching up with with abagond’s blog(which moves so fast) today and saw you’ve got a hot date lined up at some mysterious hotel room sometime in the near future.

        Hahaha, what desperation does to us mere mortals… Right anyways, make sure to write about it when and if it happens.

        Also, check out this movie if you can, I figure it’s along the same line of what you’ll do: (Confession, it’s a cheesy french movie, but surprisingly well done and the american voice over in the trailer makes it appear a trillion times worse than it actually is)


      5. i don’t have a hot date anytime soon, that was a lie to get people to respond to me. I do plan on seeing some guy in the near future, like in a few month but we’re not going to a hotel room our first meeting, we’re going to a public, well-populate place.


  3. I haven’t read or commented on Abagond’s or your blog for some time, and it is nice to be be back, you’re getting the first comment.
    I so know what you mean, it seems as though everyone is doing it (having sex appropriately or otherwise) and I’m yet to have that experience. I think about having sex All The Time 🙂 I have to actively stop myself and say ‘Okay, Stop…now.’ However, I don’t feel like I’m living two separate lives I feel this struggle is all part of being a christian. The reason you and I believe in Jesus is because his view is that we should all live a pure life and required it of us, but he also knew that it won’t happen like that all the time and offers his forgiveness if we want it.
    Anyway, I think you should merge the two blogs into one and then maybe your life won’t feel segmented. Show us on one forum that you are a fighter of Black women’s rights and a believer.
    Since we’re sharing, I’m a woman, I am black, 25 and a virgin.


    1. hi thanks for your comment. i just wanted to say I appreciate your understanding, not a lot of people understand what it’s like to be in my predicament. I feel trapped and isolated and lonely. I didn’t always feel this way.


    1. i don’t think it’s ever “not normal,” if sex isn’t ur thing, it’s not ur thing, but i think most people by their mid or late twenties (especially men) have done it already. I am not sure that i want to have sex anymore until i’m in committed relationship after giving it some thought.


      1. What changed your mind about the committed relationship?

        And yeah I totally agree with you.

        I was wondering, have you always been single or is it that you have just never had sex?


    2. i just feel that i need to not have sex because of the emotional, physical and sexual risks. i’m not ready. i was single because i wasn’t having sex, never had a serious boyfriend because most expect sex at my age. i’m getting older though and i just need to realize that things are changing


      1. This is what I think:

        You personally shouldn’t worry. I have lived long enough to see enough to know that one day all this will be in the past for you. If you get yourself out there, surround yourself with people your age, either at work, at grad school or at some activity i.e. hobby that you do, you’ll eventually run into the kind of person you are looking for, who’ll probably do all sorts of crazy things to win your affection. It’s just how the world works. Or so I think.

        Furthermore, I don’t think you are that old. You are young till like late 30’s then you become middle aged till like 50 then you can say I am officially old. If you take that pressure of having a family, getting married, having kids off your shoulders, then I think you open yourself up to all kinds of possibilities. I am not saying, don’t want those things, I am just saying, don’t let them weigh you down or over-rule your thoughts.


  4. Christianity gives no hints on how to be a sexual being at the same time as being a devout Christian. (Even Jesus was born via Immaculate Conception) I wish the Gospel of Mary Magdelene would have survived the inquisition choosing books to make up the Bible. It speaks of the Apostles’ lealousy of her because Jesus kisses her on the mouth. They sought to ostracize her because she claimed tat Jesus told only her the things that should be done after he leaves them. Many say she was banished to preach in Egypt where the Coptic Christians venerate her. Others say that she and Jesus hopped a boat and went to France when times got too hot. Others say they went to the British Isles where Joseph of Arimathea made his fortune in the tin and copper mines. It would have been more natural that Christ would be a sexual human as is sometimes intimated. Instead all we are given in the new testament are implications about what animals do without direction from Man or God.
    The Old Testament is full of sex and violence. Noah’s son saw him naked and went in unto him. All of the men and their wives and concubines were ‘knowing’ each other. Lot’s two daughters got him drunk and had sex with him in case they were the last people on Earth. On and on and on the Old Testament speaks of sex

    There was one line that said Do all things in praise of the Lord, so why shouldn’t sex be one of them ? In those days, just as today in many cultures, girls are given or sold into marriage at prepubescent ages. Like sheep they obey as their husband mounts them to please himself with no regard for the woman.

    So should the Christian woman make herself available to all suitors or should she take an active role in choosing her partner and having her way with him?

    Who is to say but the particpants?


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