Young & Out-of-Work


Well, I’ve finished working. I am out of work right now. I had to leave because of the emotional, physical abuse and sexual harassment. See my other posts about the dynamics at my work place.

Any way, I’ve been chilling at home this week. I’ve been reviewing my vocabuary words for my grad school entrance exam. I have to actually start doing practice questions soon. I have been reading quite a bit and going for walks. I have decided that I’m going to take a break from work for a while because of the bad experience that I had. I am going to be doing some volunteer work and I’m traveling to South America in November hopefully to do some more volunteer work there. Do you know where I’m going?.. I’ll give you a clue it has a large population of Black people, it’s  hot there, they speak a romance language that isn’t Spanish. It has a reputation for having beautiful women. See if you can guess where I am going.

I miss the little bit of money that I got from my job, but I’m managing. I am supposed to be getting one more small check soon. I am waiting for the deposit that I put down on an apartment last year to come back so that I can pay for my trip. I also have been doing some odd jobs around my mother’s house for some extra cash, just like I was back in middle school again. So, I really haven’t been up to much. Once I start applying to grad schools hopefully I’ll get a better job and be able to work part time and study part time.

Thats is pretty much my life right now. I went to gynecolgist and got some birth control. I need some freedom and I am probably going to start having sex soon just because I’m tired of waiting. Even if I don’t go all the way , I just want to do something. I feel like I’m so immature for my age, I need to start acting like a woman and embracing my sexuality.

I have been gardening, I picked some tomatoes yesterday and made a BLT (with turkey bacon). I will be planting some shrubs this week after I go buy them.

That’s what I’ve been up to since I quit work, nothing special. I have to get out of my mother’s house though, I just don’t like not having my own private space. *sighs* My friend moved into an apartment with her boyfriend, but I don’t have a boyfriend and honestly I wouldn’t want to move in with a guy who I could end up breaking up with. Then, I’d end up back home right where I started. I want a good job and to go to grad school, my own apartment and then I want to get married, have a baby and build a life. I want all this to happen within the next three years.

Anyway, who thinks I should start having sex soon? I really want to, but I’m scared at the same time because I always thought I’d wait until marriage…what do you guys think?

10 thoughts on “Young & Out-of-Work”

  1. WAIT!
    Having sex with some person is not going to make you a woman.
    Children who have sex do not suddenly automatically step into adulthood simply because they have had intimate relations. Giving some person access to the most intimate parts of your womanhood is not a magical rite of passage that will transform you into adulthood in a meaningful or positive way. Quite the contrary actually, and I’m sure you’ve seen the ample evidence of baby/daddy drama, STDs, and other stuff/nonsense that’s everywhere nowadays.

    Let him want you because he wants to invest his whole self in building something wholesome and wonderful WITH you, and not simply because you both have itches that need scratching. Continue being special. When you’re ready, the universe will bring the right man for you to you.

    It may not seem like it to you but you are in the process of building your life right now. No, you don’t have everything you want – husband, family, job, an apartment … yet. But these things will come eventually, and if you let the universe develop the circumstances that will bring these things to you, instead of you trying to make these things happen too quickly, you will be much better off for it.

    So slow your roll. THINK twice before to say or do anything! Count your blessings, finish school, continue to mature (you’re not done growing up yet – even though you may feel/think you are). Learn from your – and others – errors. You’ll be so glad in the long run that you did. Boys/Men are a nickle a dozen. You’ll never run out of opportunities to run into them, so what’s your rush? There’s always another bus behind the one you (think you) missed.

    Position yourself to receive the BEST of what life has to offer – and then even better things will come. But it requires patience.
    Until then .. WAIT!

    And if you do something stupid – undo it! ..if it’s possible.


    1. thank you for your comments/thoughts. I know it won’t make me into a woman technically in the mature sense, but it would make me feel good…it would make me feel like a “natural woman,” just like aretha franklin says. I just want to have an intimate, sexual moment with a man and be young and live in my whimsical world like a normal woman for once. I need to have a social/romantic life.


  2. I can understand where you’re coming from as I’m (kind of) in the same situation. I’ve been abstinent for the past 3 years, and I’m starting to crave that intimacy that you usually hear artists singing about in songs. The thing is, sex isn’t just a physical act that’s finished when y’all “finish.” If you guys aren’t on the same page mentally, emotionally, etc., things can get really, really awkward… fast.
    For example, you may want a relationship to develop afterwards, whereas, he may not be ready to commit to one woman just yet.

    This is not to say that there aren’t any benefits involved with having sex. They exist, but only in ideal situations, and that depends on who you choose. Plus, my experience has taught me that the ideal cases don’t happen very often, mostly because the consummating of the relationship happened too soon.

    So in closing, I recommend VETTING for a looooong time. Have many, many conversations about doing it before actually doing it. And when you’re ready — i.e., not rushed into it — do you 🙂
    Also, Imagination, Creativity, and “practicing” by yourself go a long way.

    PS: Do what comes to you NATURALLY. And don’t watch porn as a sort “instructional” for what you’re “supposed” to do. I made that mistake in the beginning, and the pressure to “perform” partly cost me O’s in the long-run. I’ve only got 1 under my belt. True story.


    1. thanks for the advice, you’re right, intimacy is what really makes the sex itself good. I think all the crap about rough, fancy, crazy sex has ruined the act of sex itself you’re right about that, we can thank porn for that. I’ve only watched one porn in my life, it was something I found on the website afroerotik and it was actually pretty good, it was one with janet jacme or something but it wasn’t typical porn I don’t think. But that’s good advice, I should vet the guy before doing it with him mos def.

      THIS IS THE LINK TO THE VIDEO THAT I WATCHED, IT’S NSFW. It’s not pornography, but erotic, like classy love scene in movie. I think it’s very intimate and beautiful. I would want my first time to be just like this:


  3. OMG!

    You are making all kinds of changes. I think you should be proud of yourself just for that. To actually start fighting for your life is something great, at least it gives you the opportunity to self-discover and learn more about the world, OSIT.

    What are you planning on studying at grad school? Who are you going travelling with? Alone or with friends/family??? Either way, sounds kind of exciting.

    As for sex, I think companionship is more important. If you can find someone that you can build an emotional connection with first and foremost, then I guess it would make everything else just fall into place but I totally understand where you are coming from, being young, the hormones do tend to rage. Not to mention you feel like you are losing time, like god dammit, 20’s, I need to be living life!!!

    In terms of finding the right person, I am no expert but what I hear people say is that you should involve yourself with doing what you like. You know, like maybe going to grad school, or travelling, maybe taking up a hobby etc and eventually you’ll run into someone that you click with. The key is to be active in your life and actually doing what you enjoy doing. Don’t know if that is something that actually works or not but hey, sounds reasonable enough.

    3 Years? Talk about a steep timeline. Give yourself time.

    Anyways, enjoy your new found freedom and good luck with this new phase of your life.


    1. thanks for the advice, developing some hobbies would definitely make meeting people easier. i am thinking about joining gospel choir, i used to be a pretty good singer and then I like knitting too, but I don’t think i’d meet any men joining a knitting club.


  4. I admire your blog. I am a twenty something girl who is also going through a period of self/world discovery and am amazed by how much is out there that we truly have to learn on our own. Thanks for doing your part in educating us. I started to have sex at a young age…looking for love in all the wrong places. I grew up with very little male influence in my life (no father at home, no uncles or male cousins) only a younger brother who was of no help. Any how I lived in a girlhood wonderland of fantasies and fairly tales. I thought that if you sleep with a man…hey he is now your boyfriend!..smh. As I grow older I realize just how much power we hold in between our legs. Men are preoccupied with sex! And will say/do anything to get there. Young men especially are sex machines and are trying to prove to themselves and their friends that they can “get it” That may just be a natural part of being a guy. So we have to be smart. If I could offer any advice to my younger self it would be to take it slow. Do not be so desperate to get a boyfriend, have some self respect dammit lol. We get into trouble when we build castles in the sky, with high expectations of things you cannot control (i.e. love) comes great disappointments. One thing I know for sure is not to give yourself time limits, you will end up putting incredible and unnecessary pressure on yourself. You can control how well you do in school, your weight, your work ethic but you cannot force someone to love/like you. Before you get into a relationship make sure you ask the person what they are expecting out of life, their goals and aspirations, make a realistic, down to earth list of 3-4 traits that you would like in a man and DO NOT compromise. 4 years ago I decided I would dive into the dating world head first and on my terms; I went online because I was too busy with school and work to meet people luckily it didn’t take long for me to find him and we have been together since. Looking back I realize that I wasn’t ready all those foolish years prior. In a way I wanna say its just sex but what I think I mean is that if you are ready do it for you try not to put so much weight to that one act.


    1. this is great advice. it’s nice to hear from someone my own age. you are right we shouldn’t put a time limit on things and you are right about the act of sex itself, try not to put weight in that one act if I decide to do it for me. I got you.


  5. some days I think everyone in high school should have one crappy job, so they know the value of school. I am currently in the same position as you (though I am hanging on to my job) but the lack of time off, stress and expectation kills you. My co-workers I can feel sorry for, because they are all young professionals who also do grunt work for corporate. They get paid alot, but it IS grunt work and unfair.

    I make the same amount of money as I did as an undergrad but work harder! I once had dreams of moving up and getting certified to do this job, but it cant work. Even if I worked full time there are not enough “hours” and I cannot count on them to keep me employed.

    get your birth control, condoms ( becaue B/C does not protect against STD’s) and have a good time. Go light on the drinks!!! You can abstain any time you want…


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