I’m in Love With a Guy, But My Mom Thinks He’s Too Old For Me


I am a fuck up. Let’s just get that out of the way. I can’t make decision for myself, my mother is over bearing and I am co-dependent. I have been talking to a guy that I like for almost three years. We originally met in 2009 on YouTube and then we started talking seriously in 2010.  I love him, I have never had so much in common with any one and I respect him so much. He is intelligent, gentle, kind, selfless, handsome and sexy. But all my mother sees is the fact that he’s ten years older than me. I’m in my early twenties, he’s in his early thirties.

He recently sent me an expensive gift in the mail and when my mother found out, she went ballistic. She said she was deeply hurt, that I didn’t even know him and he could be a psycho for all I know.

I know he’s not a psycho.

She doesn’t even know him, just because we haven’t met face to face doesn’t mean we can’t have feelings for each other and doesn’t mean we can’t love each other. We are planning to meet each other face to face this year and I wanted to meet him and go to a hotel and be intimate with him because he’s the only man I’ve ever truly loved, but my mother doesn’t see that. All she sees is that he’s ten years older than me and in ten years it won’t even matter. When I’m 40 and he’s 50 no one would even bat an eye about it.

She’s ruining me. She doesn’t understand how hard it is to find a good man to love you, I’ve found a man who I love and who loves me and she’s blocking on me. I have other guys who I’ve met online, one who are closer to my age and the chemistry wasn’t really there. I mean, the other guy I’m talking to is sweet and nice, but the feelings I have for him aren’t the same as those I have for the guy who I love. I am in a bind.

I have NEVER in my life gone against my mother on something serious, but I might have to stand up for myself and just tell her how I feel and not only tell her how I feel, but do what I want for once. Step out and gain some independence.

Why can’t they give him a chance, it’s not like he’s fifty, it’s not like he’s old enough to be my father, he’s like an older brother age. I wish they would understand that…

When he sent me the expensive gift I was afraid to tell my mother specifically that it was from him because I knew she would automatically assume that he was just giving me the gift to get into my pants. She doesn’t understand that he’s not like that. So, I lied and said another guy who was younger than him actually gave it to me. She was upset, but not as upset as she would have been if she knew it was really the other guy who I love. So, I can’t even be honest with her about things.

She just doesn’t trust him. I want to be with him so badly, he’s the sweetest guy.

Do you think once he moves closer to me and  my parents meet him things will change? Is it that unreasonable that I could love someone who is ten years older than me?

We’ve stopped talking before because of the age gap, that’s been the chief reason that I’ve discontinue our relationship because I”ll tell you right now, if we were closer in age make no mistake I would have been with him, been gone to see him, been brought him around my family.

I just wish my mother would let us be. I want to move in with him when he moves closer to me…she doesn’t get it.

UPDATE: After some thought, I’ve decided meeting him for the first time at a hotel is a bad idea. Our first couple meetings will be in a public, safe place until we get to know each other face to face a bit better. I don’t know what I was thinking meeting him in a hotel…I probably would have chickened out at the last minute any way.

8 thoughts on “I’m in Love With a Guy, But My Mom Thinks He’s Too Old For Me”

  1. @peanut

    As an older sister to a younger sister I can’t tell you what to do but here’s my two cents:

    Love takes time to develop lust is immediate.
    Hooking up with a stranger is probably not a good idea.
    Mom is usually right.

    You don’t have to listen to me but thats my 2 cents.


  2. Having never met the person, you really have no idea of his make-up except for his internet persona. You may have painted him into a prince charming who you feel understands your feelings. He may just be fulfilling a need, but until you have met him and come to know him, his habits and excentricities, you really don’t know him at all.
    The age thing is a minor issue.
    You can live out the adventure, but don’t invest too much of yourself until you know if you can enjoy spending large amounts of time together. Sometimes a partner can have demands that you are not willing to accomodate.
    Your mom is probably hurt that you can profess such deep love for someone you have never introduced to them. She may feel that you are not proud enough of her or your parents to share this love of your life with them.
    The guy may just be meeting you for sex and making promises he has no intention of keeping.
    Meet him, but don’t make promises or have sex with him on the first date. You’ll at least know who it is that you are talking wit instead of a persona.
    Good luck.


  3. My wife is 10 year younger than me. We have been married 32 years. It can work but Mike is right. Meet him in person and spend quality time before any decisions are made.


  4. Look at it from your mum’s point of view. Any parent would be kind of worried, simply for the mere fact that, you’ve never met him in person. I agree with the rest, you should first get to know this man in real life before you make any serious commitments. In terms of age, your mum might simply see you as her little girl and she doesn’t want a vastly older man with greater experience to take advantage of your youth or something like that.

    However, ultimately I think it depends on what you want.


  5. You know I’m just repeating what the other commentors said. Don’t meet him for any sexual encounter. Have some real dates with him, find out what he is like and what he wants in life while looking into his (real) eyes. You know all that crazy dope Steve Harvey writes about? Yeah, do those things first, then decide if he’s worth the cookie hahaha.
    Oh, your mom, she seems altogether uncomfortable with the idea of you meeting people on-line which I can understand.


      1. If you were my daughter I would suggest and say, “Coffee shops are best. Start and End the date there. Have 3 or 4 dates always right there at the Coffee shop. And then see how it goes. If he invites you to meet his peeps, you can go or tell him to bring them to the coffee shop next time. In otherwords, take your time. Go slow. The slower the better. And when he makes you smile and laugh so much that you ‘want to be with him’, just look at your left hand fingers and think, ” ring would look so pretty on my finger”. Trust me, when a man “wants to be with her”, giving a woman a ring, tells us wise old folks that the SAME amount of wanting is going on. Think about it.


  6. I submit that 10 to 15 years apart in age is the PERFECT for long lasting love and marriage. Notice that I am in good company and share this majority opinion with a billion Chinese, a billion Indians, 600 million Europeans, and over 200 million latinos in various countries. Its only us in the USA that has such narrow “age issues”. This is because from grade school on thru high school we are tightly grouped by age. But a 16 year old woman is truly ready for an emotionally mature and productive 26 year old man. And he is ready for her. Same holds true for 18 and 28. However in this economy, we keep our teenagers as children till the age of 21. And lousy economy keeps our young men without the ability to provide for their first loves and young brides. Notice how much risk young men will take to gain “financial independence”. Once upon a time in America it use to be entrepreneurial risk. Today the only big risk is in the world of government created black market. Yet I believe there is something very natural, very ‘hand in glove’, about a 20 year old woman with a 30 year old man. Its all about emotional maturity, wisdom, and for both, a much needed sense of the “prize i have found” in my life. To me, what is not natural is for 16 year old women to date or even be attracted to 16 year old men. That they sometimes are attracted and are told that “same age is best” is really a consequence of the school system. Once into a 4 year college, a young female freshman can, for the first time without social angst, look honestly at college seniors. It is wise and NATURAL for them to keep in touch with these out going seniors while they graduate as college sophomores. It will be those first year working men that mature and wise up to their personal goals in life. And having a wise young woman and as well supportive and understanding partner in a mature man’s life is super precious. So, tell your mom, “relax, take a chill pill”.


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