Writing My Book
I haven’t really been doing much lately. I’ve been working on writing a book. I’m really enjoying doing it, but it’s very difficult. It could take months to years to write. It’s basically a bildungsroman (coming of age) and a romance story about a young African-American woman. I’m really trying hard to make it realisitc. I feel like we don’t have enough positive representations of young Black women out there. When I finish it, I plan to publish it online and maybe I’ll set up the blog so people can purchase it directly from here. I’m also going to try to get it onto amazon and some other websites. I would have to get an ISBN.
I am supposed to start working soon, not really looking forward to it. It’s just a temporary position and I’ve worked there before as a summer assistant, it’s very stressful. But, I need the money. I don’t know that I could work there for the rest of my life though to be honest.
I’ve been trying to get away from the negatively of the internet. Sometimes when I’m surrounded daily with all the negative comments against Black women, it can warp my mind and send me into depression. It’s hard to see the constant media attacks, the hateful comments, the discrimination. But, I’m really trying to stay positive and get away from the negativity. I think I need to do something positive and constructive for the Black community to take my mind off of things.
Getting a Hobby:
I’ve also been trying to get more into my hobbies again. I am trying to knit and sew, which is very calming for your nerves. My cousin just had a baby, so maybe I will knit a little baby blanket for her or something. Sometimes, I really wish I had a cute little baby to take care of. I started a garden, I just have to wait a while to put them in the ground. I am trying to work out a bit more. I’ve lost about 6 pounds already. I want to keep losing weight until I’m at my desired goal weight. My mom wants to do water aerobics.
Hobbies are very good to take your mind off of things and calm your nerves. I’ve become so stressed over the mistreatment of Black women on a global scale that it’s changed my attitude and outlook on life. I want to get involved in some community service programs that are going to help others. I am thinking about sponsoring a woman or volunteering for a non-profit or something. I am also thinking about seeking therapy. The only issue is I don’t know if I could afford it, it might be about $100.00 for a single session. At this point that would burn my pockets, I would have to borrow money from my mother and pay it back. I don’t know if I want to do that just yet. However, if my attitude doesn’t improve, it might be necessary for me to seek therapy, preferably with an African-American woman therapist who will understand my racial concerns. This mistreatment of Black women has warped my mind to such a point that I become depressed and I don’t want to live like that. I think a lot of people in the Black community are hesitant to seek therapy, but sometimes it’s necessary. I’ll be doing a post in the future on the details of my therapy plans and how I feel about psychological care in the Black community overall.
Getting Some Nookie
I do not know if I want to be in a romantic relationship anymore. Mentally, I feel like I’m not there yet. Sure, I get horny from time to time and I’m trying to explore my sexuality, but that isn’t a good reason to get into a relationship in my opinion. I don’t like to use vibrators or anything like that, but I have been experimenting with masturbation. I will probably stop soon though because I really don’t think it’s constructive thing to do and because I am trying to reserve my sexuality. I just don’t know if lusting so much is a good thing. I mean it could make me want sex that much more so that when I meet a guy, I might be more likely to just jump right into sex because physically I’m craving it because I’ve fantasize about having it so much. I’m trying to pray more and think positively, just trying to not let the negativity get me down.
Anyway, haven’t been up to much, just giving an update.