Cross Post: Snide Remarks Do Not Erase White Woman Privilege

 

This is a cross post from lovinmysistas.com

I am quickly becoming irritated with the articles, videos, blog posts and letters from certain white women who claim that Black women are the main antagonists in interracial relationships between ww/bm. But,  at the same time it seems these same people making these claims want to stereotype all Black women, while overlooking their own privilege that drives the inequality that Black and other POC deal with on a daily basis.

Let me say this, if its been YOUR experience that you’ve encountered so-called jealous Black women who give you “mean looks” or make “snide comments,” that’s your experience. I’m sorry you’ve encountered SOME negative Black women… expressing hostility to someone for “no reason,” isn’t right. But do not blanket ALL Black women and do not presume that every Black woman who looks your way when you’re out with your Black husband or significant other is “hating on you.”

I personally have been around Black women my whole life and I know many Black women have been seeing Black men with white women their whole lives…it’s nothing new to see that coupling and therefore I find it hard to believe that the majority of Black women are out there giving “angry looks” and making “snide remarks.”  I personally think that this is a stereotype that is over-played by certain people and put solely on Black women, just one more inequality to add to our list. I also think some people tend to get off and get turned on by imagining that all Black women are after them because they took a so-called “good brotha,” or because they ARE a so-called “good brotha,” with a white woman. (lol)

But anyway, if that’s been your experience…sorry to hear that but do not put that on ALL BLACK WOMEN.

Also, please don’t forget that at the end of the day you’re in a position of privilege...yes white women you have white privilege.

you have a head start, benefits that Black women and other women of color don’t get…so you get a snide comment every now and then…do you know that Black women and other WOC  not only get snide comments every day, but have to deal with daily inequalities that you’ll never have to experience…and unfortunately they don’t have white privilege to fall back on.

The little snide comments that you hear (allegedly from Black women) for being out w/ a black guy…Black women deal with snide comments in our every day lives and it never stops. Unlike some people who can just get out of a relationship and go back to being white, Black women are Black our whole lives.

we have to deal with the fact that we and our children are more likely to live in poverty, we have to deal with the fact that we’re more likely to be incarcerated and serve longer sentences than ww for committing the same non-violent crimes,  we have to deal with the fact that we’re under-represented in professional careers and college campuses (while people pretend that affirmative action is reverse racism), we have to deal with the fact that we’re more likely to be single mothers, we have to deal with the fact that our children are viewed as a burden on society, we have to deal with our children being taken away and put in foster care unjustly (just like in slavery),  we have to deal with the fact that we’re more likely to die at a young age just by virtue of the fact that we’re black (lower life expectancy than white women).

Not only do Black women have to deal with all the effects of racism on a daily basis, but black women have to deal with snide remarks about our capabilities, character, morality and intellect. Black women have to deal with having our beauty maligned every day, we have to deal with magazines making erroneous articles about how we’re objectively the ugliest race of women, we have to deal with being virtually invisible in positive/desirable roles in movies/ television, but over-represented in negative roles.  we have to deal with being told every day there’s something wrong with us because we’re black. We have to deal with being followed around the store for no reason other than we’re the only Black, we have to deal with people telling us we’re pretty for a Black girl…we have to deal with the fact that we’re not valued in this society, this is reinforced through missing white woman syndrome and the countless missing Black women whose faces aren’t deemed valuable enough to appear on the evening news, and we have to deal with stereotype after stereotype that they have put on us since we were first FORCEFULLY BROUGHT to this country.

Then on top of all that now we gotta deal with stories by some white woman about the alleged stereotypical, eye-rollin, neck-swiveling, angry- Black woman…while that same white woman can just sit back and conveniently overlook her own privilege.

This is just another thing that is getting put on Black women as if Black women are the worst of the worst, these jealous-hatin wenches who are just “hating” on white women for no reason… as if NO ONE else behaves inappropriately to others, as if other people aren’t racist to Black women.

As if white men and every other race are just so open-minded…right it wasn’t a white male judge who recently barred a bm/ww couple from marrying. As if those people who first started and promoted anti-miscegenation laws weren’t all white men, many of whom kept black mistresses and were the main ones out sexing Black women in the first place. As if there aren’t some white women who express hostility towards Black women who date white men it’s JUST Black women who are the problem…yeah…

and the odd thing is, when some white women call foul for the alleged snide remarks and “looks” that Black women give to white women in interracial relationships, it seems people are more willing to detest that “inequality,” but when a Black woman brings up all the inequalities above…she gets shut down and told she’s “over-reacting,” often by  the same people who claim Black women are so hateful to white women/black men…hey, I don’t know.

…just one more thing to add to the list.

SEE TOPIC HERE

Cross Post: Snide Remarks Do Not Erase White Woman Privilege

27 thoughts on “Cross Post: Snide Remarks Do Not Erase White Woman Privilege

  1. I for one tire of minding my own business and getting that feeling that someone is watching me. I look up and it is a couple: bm and ww staring me down searching for a hint of hostility. I mean all the time!

    If they don’t get out my face and stop looking for a hostile reaction, maybe they won’t see it. More than likely, some ww are expecting not to be ignored or whatever. You know we are all supposed to be so in awe because she had the COURAGE and is soooo totally color-blind to date below her station. And every black person within a country mile should RECOGNIZE, you ungrateful, jus jellus black women!!!

    Anywhoo, my advice to these couples is to get out my grill and get over themselves. I hate to say it but I’m going to be real, if he is with you, there is no way in the world he is for me. Lose all appeal instantly.

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    1. They do that to me too! And I’m only 16 and they look like they’re probably in college or smth? I always feel like someone’s looking at me and it’s the interracial couple that always stares at bw not the other way around…that’s why when I see one I tried to look away fast cuz I know if I look only by accident they’ll say I’m racist.
      I had this interracial couple that decided to single me out I was stuck in a crowded area with them kissing and they kept staring at all the bw…so I decided to look back! Big mistake! There was one time they were kissing and I was minding my own business, I felt someone looking at me, and turned around to find they had just stopped kissing to stare at me! Loooooooooool! Theses ww look exactly like wm with long hair lol, that’s why they flick it so much, they know it too! Smh, they look for attention all the time…I don’t get it, when I’m out with a non black man or just talking to one I don’t look around cuz I’m too engrossed in our conversation, but I decided to look around to see what it was like…and I did see women of his race rolling their eyes, but it didn’t bother me to the point I’d complain about it! I didn’t even realize it was a big deal so why do they? BM also kept bothering the non BM I was talking to by giving him looks and such…but it wasn’t that serious! I wasn’t basing my whole relationship on race anyway!

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      1. you are 16 and you seem more mature and grounded than the older white women who are looking at YOU. I too immediately look away when I see a bm/non-bw couple because I fear that they’ll think I’m glaring at them just for looking normal, so I avoid looking at them. it’s sad that we have to do that and yes i’ve had people look at me (black men and everyone else) when i’m out with a white guy, but i’ve never taken it personally or copped an attitude at people just for looking, who knows what could be going through their mind.

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      2. Thanks peanut! And exactly, Ithink these relationships are either based on race, or they think that everyone hates them because of race….cuz I don’t see someone staring at me or rolling their eyes, as that big of a deal…in fact BM have done worse to me when I’m with someone non-black, like I said they kept talking to and disturbing the guy I was sitting on the bus with. I don’t get what the big deal is, just move on!

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  2. THANK YOU THANK THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This right here is some REAL TALK that NEEDED to be said. For real. Black women have to put up with more racist/misogynist/biased/bigoted CRAP than ANY other group on this Earth! White women for far too long have had a free hand to discriminate against us with the things they do discussed in this article, and it NEEDS to be put on blast!

    Again my sista, THANK YOU!

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    1. no one wants or cares about what Black women go through, except SOME other Black women. It’s always made me wonder how SOME white women can claim to be open-minded and defend Black men (and themselves) and try to sympathize with their struggle, yet some seem to have trouble doing the same for Black women.

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  3. Jules says:

    Any black woman who is stupid enough to care if a black man is dating a white woman is dang crazyyyyyyyyy. It’s not as though this has not been the norm for 30+ yrs now, I really think the shock and awe has worn off a long time ago. These couples used to be so popular, now I hardly see them in my city. Black couples are getting together more than ever before. Maybe bm/ww couples are still popular in the US, but they seem to be on the decline in my neck of the woods.

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  4. CARLY says:

    Very well said…I have not dated a black man in years and couldn’t be happier. I don’t care what white women think about my loving a white man, that is their problem and the black man’s too. It is best not to give a fck as we will be judged no matter what we do.

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  5. jamal says:

    ok i understand that most black women don’t care if they see a black man with a white woman. Unfortunately the ones who get noticed are the ones who do give angry looks and make snide remarks. but being a BM dating a WW i disagree that just because someone has white privelage doesn’t make it ok for BW to make these remarks.Yes My gf has white privillege but thats about all the privillege she has. Her life has been anything but easy and as a result she is very insecure. So the last thing she needs is people staring and pointing at her. While most of the time my gf and i go out its without incident but on several occasions we’ve caught people saying things about us while we’re in the movies or sitting down eating.

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  6. jamal says:

    cont. While we don’t care too much about it usually, it’s still in the back of my head that some people don’t want to see us together and it’s a constant reminder that i can’t bring her home because my mother and sisters wouldn’t approve.

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  7. thanks for your comment. the post never said it was “okay” to make snide remarks because white women have white privilege. the point was that SOME white women who date black men seem to think they’re the only ones who face any kind of hardship or judgement. these particular ww seem to think they have the gold medal when it comes to oppression just because they’re sleeping with/dating or married to a black man, when that is far from reality. It’s about white women who pass judgement on black women yet overlook their own ignorance and prejudice. The bottom line is as much as it may bother you/your white girlfriend to have the rare snide remark, as a black person you deal with snide remarks every day and can’t just get out of any relationships to escape them. not excusing the ignorance that SOME black women (and people in general) may direct at Black men/white women couples, but it’s hardly realistic to think that your “suffering,” or snide comments you receive are somehow more important or more valid than the suffering/discrimination Black women and other minorities face and have always faced.

    white supremacy still protects white women and white men from many hardships that every other person of color have to go through on a daily basis, so things sometimes are taken for granted by SOME white people. Not to minimize snide remarks you may or may not receive, but I don’t think it’s right to pass judgement on Black women and then overlook your own privilege as a white woman and not even try to understand where that privilege comes from

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  8. Tzipporah says:

    I am white, but I’m Jewish, and I’d say historically we probably had it at least as bad. And as a religious Jew, it’s much harder to get friends since no one gets my schedule and there’s a lot of anti-Semitism out there. It doesn’t help that I don’t fit in anywhere in my own community either. So I understand, but I don’t think you’re being fair to Jews or Armenians or Mexicans or Arabs. Blacks aren’t the only people who got shoved into tiny pens and starved and killed arbitrarily and lost their privacy. That happened to Jews no matter where they lived, after we lost Israel. And now that we have it again, we face anti-Semitism from everywhere. I don’t actually know any non-Jews well. I lived a sheltered life. But I’ve been in non-Jewish environments a lot and it’s hard.

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    1. thanks for your comment.I wasn’t explicitly talking about Jews, Mexicans or Arabs, I was mainly talking about white people in general. In terms of Arabs, Armenians, Mexicans and Jews, SOME I would consider white, some I would not, it depends. Arabs can be anywhere from white to as brown as me, same with the other ethnicity you mentioned. In terms of Jewish people, most of the people that I see here in America, who identify as Jewish, I would consider to be WHITE. Elsewhere, I know there are some Jews who I might consider POC. It depends. My post was not saying that other ethnicity don’t experience forms of oppression, but the bottom line is, IN AMERICA, if you have white skin and can pass for white, which most Jews in america CAN DO, you have white privilege period. I’ll agree Jews, have been oppressed, as have the other groups you mentioned, but you have the benefit of skin color if you’re a white Jew or white mexican, armenian, arab etc… I can never be anything other than Black. Again, not saying other groups don’t experience their own injustices, but white privilege is real and as some would say “white supremacy,” is the real religion in this world, unfortunately.

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      1. Tzipporah says:

        I wish it were true that Jews can “pass for white”. It’s not. Only a very few were able to do it during the Holocaust. Jews speak two extra languages, so they have accents, and there are a lot of names which will mark you. I’m not sure if the last few comments were aimed at me. I don’t demean ANYONE ever. And my religion forbids leaving it, so no, I will always be a Jew no matter what I do, and that’s as unchangeable as the color of my skin.

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    2. and this post came about due to the fact that on blogs, websites and in life period, there are SOME white women who are in interracial relationships who THINK that just because they’re in an interracial relationship, that gives them the right to demean Black women because they THINK that being with a black man means they’re oppressed or something…i’m not really sure where that is coming from. Even if you’re in an interracial relationship, you’re still white, not saying there aren’t certain things that change, but to seriously think that getting a “snide remark,” here or there is ANYWHERE near the amount of inequalities and injustice that Black women face just for being black is absurd to me.

      Snide remarks or not, you’re still white and I get tired of hearing/seeing certain white women acting as if they’re superior and ASSUMING that every Black woman who looks their way is jealous of them…JEALOUS OF WHAT exactly? What is there to be jealous of…unless you, as a white woman, see yourself as superior??? that’s annoying.

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      1. Peanut says:

        tzipporah says,

        “I know I have “white privilege”. But I also have to deal with nasty comments everywhere. And if I went to public school, I would be far more alienated than a black girl, because I can’t eat any of the food or date ANY of the boys, and I can’t touch men. So my point is, you’re right, I probably have it easier than a black girl with the same lifestyle, but I don’t happen to know any.”

        it’s not about who has easier, it’s about respect. I understand that because of your culture and religious beliefs in a predominately Christian/non-religious culture, there are certain things that would make you feel alienated and you shouldn’t have to feel alienated (no one should), but the point I was making was PHYSICALLY you, being a white Jew can pass into white society, I can’t because I’ll always be visibly NON-WHITE. But, either way it’s about respect above all. I would love for Black women to be regarded with the same respect as other people, it’s not about putting one group above the other, it’s about equality and that is what irks me. SOME white women just do not understand how by not acknowledging the inequalities mentioned in that post and by truly pretending that they’re above black women they are only furthering the divide and inequality.

        That’s my point. If people really want things to change, the first step is, just acknowledge the privilege and then do something to change it. that was my point,

        May I ask how old are you btw?

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      2. Tzipporah says:

        I’m not supposed to give out any real information about myself online, so I’m afraid that I can’t tell you how old I am (sorry).
        I wanted to ask you about this one girl I know. I think I’ve already said I don’t know that many non-Jews, and there aren’t all that many black Jews in the States. But the darkest-skinned girl I know is Yemenite (does that count as black?). She’s incredibly beautiful. She’s very popular. She’s very smart. She has an incredible boyfriend who is very tall and handsome. I used to go watch them talk when I could. Her father is a teacher in the school, and comes close to being the most popular one. She’s president of student council. I half-worship her. She has everything I always wanted – and she deserves it, too. She’s incredibly nice. So are you telling me the nicest, sweetest, smartest, most beautiful, and most popular girl I’ve ever known is going to have trouble in the real world?
        I hope that explains my skepticism. I do not want to believe that one of my heroes will have it harder than anyone else. And the darkest-skinned girl I’ve ever known well is a Yemenite (we say Teimani, but I figured I’d make it easier to understand).

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      3. “I’m not supposed to give out any real information about myself online, so I’m afraid that I can’t tell you how old I am (sorry).”
        okay that’s understandable. I was thinking you were in HS for some reason, but you don’t have to say.

        “I think I’ve already said I don’t know that many non-Jews, and there aren’t all that many black Jews in the States”

        My cousin is actually a Black Jew, well technically he is biracial, his mother is white and Jewish. So, I guess he’s culturally half-black, half-Jewish. But i agree there aren’t many black Jews in the united states. Anyway, about your friend. If she looks Black mostly likely she’ll be treated as Black and at some point, she’ll be discriminated against. That’s just my opinion. It’s unfortunate, but true that the more black you look, the harder it is to find a job, get equal mortgage on the housing market, get promoted in the job market, you’re more likely to be incarcerated for committing same crimes as non-black. There is much racism to face. it may not be as extreme with some people, but at some you’ll face discrimination that’s just my opinion.

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    3. Peanut says:

      and above all, I want for Black women and people in general to be respected as equals and individuals. That’s all I ask for is respect, which is a basic human right that all people Black, white, Arab, Indian, Mexican, Jewish, Armenian deserve. stereotypes are dehumanizing. SOME white women who demean Black women & stereotype Black women, yet overlook their white privilege are racist period, but they THINK because they’re with a black man, they can’t be racist and that’s not right.

      It’ so annoying, I am so sick of some white women doing this, it’s like there’s this wall there and they just don’t get it. If you’re cool with me, I’ll be cool with you, but if it gets to the point that you’re telling Black men everything that’s wrong with Black women and won’t even admit that you have white privilege, that is sickening to me.

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      1. Tzipporah says:

        I know I have “white privilege”. But I also have to deal with nasty comments everywhere. And if I went to public school, I would be far more alienated than a black girl, because I can’t eat any of the food or date ANY of the boys, and I can’t touch men. So my point is, you’re right, I probably have it easier than a black girl with the same lifestyle, but I don’t happen to know any.

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      2. Peanut says:

        the last comments about some white women demeaning black women were not reference to your specifically. may i ask you a question, you define yourself as “white” WHY? Is it be cause PHYSICALLY you resemble a European more than any other race? if so, then that is passing for white. it not about your accent, which can change or your religious belief, but if you look in the mirror what race or color do you see? do you see black or asian?

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      3. Tzipporah says:

        I see a Jew. But last I checked that isn’t a choice on the census (though honestly “Ashkenazi Jew” really ought to be). Historically, my family claims to date back to Israel from more than two thousand years ago. I have dark hair and eyes, and a long nose. I also have my family’s hereditary skin condition and high risk of being a carrier of a gene that may lead to breast cancer. I have my mother’s enormous hips and small waist. I am short and fat. I do not define myself as either European or white, except when comparing myself on the racist scale.

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