I remember one time I was talking with a woman who was a few years older than me, she expressed how she wanted to have a baby sometime in the future, but she didn’t want to be married. She told me that her mother had raised five children by herself, after her father died, and she personally didn’t see the point in getting married. She felt that being married was unnecessary in this day and age and the only benefit to being married was possibly more financial income, that’s if your spouse works a steady job.
I was a very saddened to hear her express that she didn’t value her children having a father. Sure, marriage may not be what it used to be, but every child deserves a father figure. I was blessed to be raised in a household with two parents who both actively participated in raising their children. I understand that this is no longer the norm for many of my peers, which is very saddening to me. There is no replacement for a father, being married is more than just having a financial advantage (which by the way is extremely important) but its about being loved and feeling loved. I believe the lack of fathers in our community is taking its toll on both black girls and black boys. It’s hard to grow up and not have a stable father figure. Just having a father made life easier for me. I had someone to turn to for support, I had someone to support me financially, I had a male figure to turn to when I felt like I wasn’t beautiful. That is what daddy is for, he’s there to protect, care for and love his daughter. I just feel we’re doing our children a disadvantage to not allow them the privilege of having a stable father IN THE HOUSEHOLD.
Before I start, I am not judging anyone on their parenting choices, I respect everyone’s right to parent their child as they choose. I also understand that sometimes things happen and mother has no choice but to raise a child on her own. I know this topic is beating a dead horse…we’ve heard it all before and yet no one seems to be doing anything about it…except for one woman who is launching a campaign to “End the Normalization of the Baby Mama.”
Urban Midwife, JayVon Muhammed has launched a campaign to encourage black men and black women to marry and raise children with both parents in the household. The big message of her campaign is that ‘being a baby mama should not be the norm,’ in our community.
JayVon Muhammed writes…
“Urban Midwifery is on a campaign to dispel this lie. Being a “Baby Mama” is not fair to the woman or the child. It should not be one’s goal. We women are CHEATING ourselves, and our babies, when we take on the parenting role without a partner. It is unfair and it is not optimum.”
Although, I do not judge women who raise children on their own, I can definitely see the benefits to having a father and mother in the household. If both parents assumed a parenting role over their children, imagine the influence it would have on our children? They would have TWO parents to provide for them, TWO parents to look to for support and TWO parents to love them, that could make a huge difference in their self esteem and overall well being.
JayVon Muhammed has workshops to educate women and girls about relationships, marriage and healthy choices.
You can read more about it HERE.
I’ll be doing a more detailed follow up post in the near future where I speak about the benefits of having a MARRIED mother and father in the household.
Do you think we’re doing our children a disservice to STRIVE to bring children into a home where the father is absent?