I Don’t Need White Men to Validate My Beauty


I do not need white men to validate my beauty. I’ve seen and heard so many comments from white men, black men, black women and every other group about how ‘unattracted white men are to black women.’ When John Mayer made his comments in the Playboy interview about having a ‘david duke cock and benetton heart,’ so many people took that comment personally. I thought the comment was stupid, but not because John Mayer has a ‘david duke cock,’ because frankly I barely knew who the guy was before that incident. I was mostly offended because the interviewer asked John Mayer if black women ‘throw themselves’ at him…?

Now, first of all I don’t know why people seem to think that black women all chase and run after white men. Historically and in the present (contrary to popular belief) black women have never been the ones running after white men. In fact, black women historically have had to run AWAY from white men due to the history of mistreatment black women have endured at the hands of the racist white men who sadly… did NOT have ‘david duke cocks.’

I, for one, take offense to the notion that black women are portrayed as being desperate for white male attention and validation. I get sick of people saying ‘why don’t white men like black women,’ and ‘why don’t white men marry black women like they do asian women?’ Hate to break it to you, but most black women tend to prefer their own race, just like most white men tend to prefer their own race. Ofcourse some white men like black women and some black women like white men, but most people tend to go for their own race. Black women aren’t chasing after white men anymore than white men are chasing after black women, so let’s get that straight.


The next thing, I get sick of people pretending like white men have the final say on what is considered beautiful and what is not. Who cares if white men like a certain look in black women, who cares if white men don’t date black women…really who cares? Why do we need white males to validate black beauty? I’ve heard some misguided black men state before that they’re basically embarassed because white men ‘supposedly’ don’t want black women and think of us as being ugly. Okay, let’s say that is the case for most white men (that’s debatable, but we’ll go with it), should it REALLY matter what white men think of black women’s beauty? We shouldn’t need the white stamp of approval to value our own beauty…

Why does it seem like some black people always need the white stamp of approval on everything, including on our own God-given looks. I personally love all my features as a black woman. I love our diversity. I love that black women can be curvy everywhere and we can also be small and petite, I love the full range of our skin tones, I love our thick full, pouty lips, I LOVE our natural kinky, curly, nappy hair. I LOVE our dark skin, I love everything about our beauty and I don’t need the white stamp of approval any longer to see myself as beautiful and other black women shouldn’t either.


So black women, I know most of you already know this, but its worth saying… you don’t NEED white male validation and don’t believe the hype that black beauty is inferior to the beauty of other races. Black women we ARE beautiful just the way we are!


36 thoughts on “I Don’t Need White Men to Validate My Beauty”



  2. i’m sick and tired of angry white men getting mad at us because we choose black men. they view it as “reverse racism”. no one critcise them for choosing white women so why is that considered any different?


  3. “most people tend to go for their own race”

    I’ve always thought that people are more likely to date within their own race, I thought it was some genetic predisposition to be attracted to those who are similar to you. I’ve always heard it, but I can’t find any actual evidence of it anywhere. Do you have a link or something to a study saying that? [sorry for the weird question]


    1. i don’t think its genetic, i think its mostly cultural and people going for what’s familiar to them…but if you look at history there has always been race mixing when two races are within proximity….like in cape verde


  4. so I do think ‘mixing’ within ‘races’ is natural, but no more or less natural than staying within ur own race, i tihnk people just go for what they are familiar with and what feels right to them, most people are raised around the same race of people, so most people prefer that…for people who are raised aroudn a bunch of multiracial people, its probably feel right to them to be with other races or multiracial people.


  5. Very insightful thoughts. Too bad more BW do not see ourselves through these same proud and defiant lenses. However, I do think the tide is changing for the better. I recently returned to college in Georgia (U.S.A.) at age 38 and was pleasantly surprised to see how many beautiful, black young ladies are sporting naturals of all sorts. Wearing a ‘fro was almost unfathomable when I first started college 20 years ago! With the popularity of braids, sisterlocks, and such, BW are once again standing tall and proud in our own skin (and hair)!

    As for the colorism thing, even with education and 3 generations of Ebony and other black media, I think it’s unfortunately always going be an issue. Some research apparently suggests that young babies have a visual preference for lighter skin. This may have to do with the contrast of darker hair, eyes, etc against a lighter palate, as contrasts are what newborns detect first. However, just as a taller woman is not inherently better looking than a shorter woman, skin color is just another genetic attribute. It doesn’t make one woman more beautiful than the other, just different. Anyway, as my mama and The Temptations used to say, beauty is only skin deep. It’s what’s inside that truly counts.


    1. thanks 4 ur comment, it is sad that so many people don’t realize that dark skin is just as beautiful, people are so brainwashed that some go around saying ‘pretty for a dark or black girl’ what does that even mean? ur either pretty or ur not, color has nothing to do with it.

      i just think its sad that some people need other people to validate their beauty, we should validate our own beauty.


  6. I LOVE that you wrote this blog post! It absolutely boggles my mind how many post there are about white men on natural hair forums. Shouldn’t those forums be about black female empowerment, and NOT about whether not white men give us compliments. I hate that so many people, of all races, look for approval from whites. I hate white supremacy and its legacy. Don’t mind IR relationships for the right reasons, though. But let’s be honest, many of can try uncondition ourselves later in life, but most of us were conditioned at an early age to white is right.


  7. I love woman of all skin colors across the spectrum. I have had four major loves throughout my life and they have all been black woman. However, I have dated all kinds of woman of all kinds of nationalities and truth be told—a woman is a woman and from a physical standpoint—I can always find something beautiful to focus on for most woman. My second love was a jet black beauty that had the most beautiful skin, I loved her complexion. I am a mixed light skinned man and the contrast was such a turn-on for me, she was beautiful. As a young man—my mother–who was white—asked me why I tended to date more black woman than white. I told her, because they are simply more attracted to me.

    All things being equal, if I had a choice between two woman both of equal beauty, then I would pick the nicest, smartest and classiest of the two and keep it moving. And skin color has NEVER weighed into that one. Also, since I am a lower extremities man, it’s hard to argue that black woman don’t usually rock the best behinds (trying to be respectful here). Yaw know what I mean ;). Beautiful skin and when fit—by far—the nicest bodies, lovely stylish hair (regardless of texture) and of course those luscious lips (the better to kiss you with). And yes, I realize that validation is not a requisite (yaw get enough attention, hell), however, there’s nothing wrong with a little praise. As I have said, woman can be the pailest of pail, deep chocolate and all other things in between, but there are beauties all around the globe that will take a mans breath away. Hell, my wife is one of them.


    1. Urrrrr, mostly nice statement. Beg to differ on the “rear-end” comment. Many white women now go to the gym or buy butt lifting attire in order to have the type of rear-ends women of color have naturally without working out. I’m an older woman so I’ve seen the progression of white women being praised for their flat behinds and to the now FINALLY acceptable and fiercely coveted rear “bump” that J-Lo made famous back in the early 90s.


  8. I do not live in America, I live in the Caribbean where darker skinned people are in the majority. We have racism here but it’s mostly ‘covert’ but as a general rule there has been and will always be a lot of race mixing in my island.
    What i don’t understand about African-Americans is their perverse need for the white man’s validation. But maybe it is understandable as I myself lived in the U.K for ten years and through constant ‘race conditioning’ it may be easy to hate yourself.
    Black people the world over need to educate themselves, learn about your ancestry and love what it represents. This is the only way you can instill pride in yourself, see your own self worth and beauty and not always be ‘hungry’ for approval from whites.
    In my own world, I do not find many white men attractive at all, the coloured eyes do not ‘floor’ me because I know that for every one good looking white dude there are 10 gorgeous, sexy, ripped, beautiful Black/African men out there.
    You guys need to see that the white media/power brokers are bent on destroying black people, it is very clear from where i sit. Have us fighting one another like crabs in a barrel and have our men denouncing and deriding their women. You can get no other race of men to engage in this behaviour.
    Ladies love the skin you are in we are black and beautiful, we have bodies shaped like ‘coca-cola’ bottles and our ‘black don’t crack’. Do not continue to let the racist climate that you live in dictate your self belief and self worth.


  9. I must admit having experienced more than a few arresting moments when I stopped to admire my nude mirror-reflection of luxurious golden, deep brown skin that covers me from head to toe. I have never had the need for validation by anyone of any race. I love my skin, just as much as I admire and appreciate the beauty in the kaleidoscope of skin tones from around the world; from the palest of white to the bluest of black. I have been attracted to men of all skin colors. Yet Ironically, the love for my skin tone and race somehow gives the impression to people that I must be anti-white. Loving oneself does not mutually exclude loving another with a different skin color. I don’t need a white man to validate me, but if he can appreciate the beauty of my color as much as I can appreciate his, I will not have any issue being with him.


  10. Don’t worry, there won’t be anything for you to worry about. Your type is not attractive to white men. They prefer the look of Kerry Washington or Aisha Tyler, they have slim bodies and high cheekbones and cutie pie faces.

    Your look would be attractive to Arabs and Afrixans, they like thick thighs and big asses.
    Germans have a great liking for Blacks almost exclusively from Brazil & DR.


  11. Excellent article! I noticed Hollywood will start casting Black actresses opposite White men once “They have arrived”.Oh great they are now worthy of his desire! A sign of progress for Halle,Zoe,Sanaa,and all the rest including the Latinas! Brainwashing,remember how Whiteny Houston’s character had to chase a bodyguard who was her employee? Please! Most White employers who hire Black women don’t hire Black men because they have “no use” for them being around.


  12. HEY we may not need the validation of white men of our beauty but White girls need the validation of white men for their beauty…black women are the only group mostly that dont mix in general i hear..but, I know a few Christian couples where the women is black & the guy is white: the girl is nubian chocolate. I even know one that got married at 20 years old and has 3 kids ABD she is a SAHM


  13. Oh really now? What’s up with all the romance/erotic ebooks with black women/white men on the covers? Since we know 90% of those books are read by women, and I’m sure the above covers aren’t read by white women or any other types…that would fairly support that black women aren’t being quite honest.


    1. i don’t believe i ever did any post on this blog about white men/black women erotic romance novels. I did do a post about BLACK erotic literature though. if you are speaking in general then I can’t speak for everyone…only for myself


  14. Great article Peanut. It’s a shame that members of the vile “BWE” movement will never understand what you’ve written. People regardless of whatever race, creed, gender etc need to love and respect themselves, first before they can get love and respect from other people.


  15. What’s up family, This Rob. Hey to all yall

    Okay what I have to say is this. With each & every part of me..and on behalf of all my brothers who love you all..From the dark, light and onto the brown black women (american and otherwise). WE, YOUR BLACK MEN, LOVE AND THANK YOU. WE NEED YOU. WE CHERISH YOU GREATLY FOR YOUR LOYALTY & SUPPORT, AS IT APPLIES. Sometimes it seems like you’ve abandoned us altogether and vice versa. As women, You don’t understand what it feels like when we see so many of you destroying us and walking on our circumstances, past & present. Or those that feel different be in the middle or quiet altogether. We are not the stereotypes they’ve made of us and neither are you. I steer far clear of black women that lives her life to “live down” the supposedly negative things whites and others feel about black people. That’s the type of lack of pride that’s plagued us and taken us to where we are today… The burning need for white and non black validation…acceptance..to partner somehow or integrate. They’ve convinced us NOW WE AREN’T GOOD ENOUGH FOR EACH OTHER. We not so long ago we were only “good enough for each other”. Listen, we have not always been right to one another. But no race of people are, and we’re the one group that factually could NEVER do enough to each other that amount to what others have done to us throughout time & this modern day. While we are not what outsiders suggest we are; We make no excuses for those belonging to our race who maybe in fact The Stereotype. But human nature is variable, and just because our race have suffered incomparable loss and damage, it doesn’t mean we would just arise for all that to be perfectly adjusted, contrary if anything. The thought that many visible black women view asian, arab, whites as better men, confuses me. If not so hurtful, it’s falseness would be hilarious. There’s this arrogant air going around within these communities of men. Due to black women openly bad mouthing her race, once in-arms or in beds with these different men. The different men are becoming more and more bold in what place they feel that have in black man and woman relationships. The fact we’re almost ALL employed by whites is a very bad thing for united stands and outspokenness. Which is partly why, the traffic at a blog like this or the soundness at places where we actually have a platform is so evident. Individualism and capitalism have been detrimentally bad for our race… the machine Groups of people either buy us or convince us subconscious self hatred and suspicion of one another…even though we never hold others up against the very same degree of suspicion…and the sad truth. As black people we need to be skeptical of other black persons at this point. BUT WE SHOULD BE, IN OUR RIGHT MINDS ENOUGH TO BE DOUBLY SKEPTICAL OF NON BLACK PEOPLE AS A SECOND RULE. They are trying tirelessly to put a hard end to us. And you My beautiful black sisters. You are their last strike. Please continue to show pride for one another. Don’t have any mercy or hesitation to disavow traitors, Male or Female. Interracial in an of itself doesn’t make one a traitor. But more instances than otherwise, it has proven so. These white people hate us inherently. Even the so called decent whites feel that they are more entilement to ANY THING WHICH IS GOOD than we blacks would be entitled to a good thing.. ESP BLACK MEN. So their bias and the world of people who follow them will always be. Look at any world event involving a black person whether positive or not. Then look at any world event involving a white or non black, whether positively or negatively. The proof will meet you square in the eyes, with very little exception.

    Most us, black men, We love you dearly and always have. Yet we’re been the only race of man to have OTHERS tell his women what to think, say, how to act, and who to love or hate. We’re publicly attacked and humiliated everyday when we see our sisters in pornography doing EVERY-DEMEANING-THING one could imagine for these other races. Or when we see our women pander to any ole non black male, on television, YouTube and society. Brothers have done some foul things ofc. But never in such gross numbers Sisters taking part in today. And the ideas these hate mongers have for our people especially our men, are no less that absolute evil. It’s right there on the wall. …. you know. I began to feel that most black women were made into converts before reading this. Hard to accept what they’ve done to us as a black global nation. UK, Nigeria, Canada, U.S.A., Central America. Whites have spread their fucking disease, and so asians arabs(long time nemesis’ of ours) along with with now have the gun aimed at black male races’ head and the other hand under the hem of the black female race. And this time it is all predicated on turning black women against black men in mass amounts. The most hatable thing ever, as a black man. This though (your blog), It is very appreciated. Okay ladies. I’m writing emotionally so excuse my errors or driftings… I’ll leave it hear but I plan to revist this blog soon. I really mean it. I love you all


  16. This is an old post and I haven’t read any others of yours but let me say this: I’m a white man that LOVES all women. Black IS beautiful. Don’t assume that all white people think the same. That is as equally racist as assuming all black people think to same. Are there racist whites? Of course there are. But there are also racist in every other race.

    Stop worrying about what white, or black, or brown, or yellow, or whatever people think. You ARE beautiful! Every woman is beautiful! And if anyone disagrees they’re an idiot! Who cares what they think!

    We are all people. Skin color doesn’t matter unless you let it matter. And if you do, stop!

    Don’t let some ignorant ass racist, whatever the color of his/her skin, tell you otherwise. ALL women are beautiful!!

    Enough said.


  17. Great goods from you, man. I’ve understand your stuff previous to and you’re just too excellent.
    I really like what you have acquired here, really like what you’re saying and the way in which you say it. You make it entertaining and you still take care of to keep it sensible. I cant wait to read much more from you. This is really a tremendous web site.


  18. One thing I like about black women is how they stick together. I know Its kind of a stereotype to say this but I like a woman with a bit of sass and independence to them. Im a mixed black/white guy if that matters.


  19. This is a beautiful post that all black women should read it!
    The problem of black women who have low self-esteem of themselves! We try at all costs the approval of white people! Wow I find that black women are beautiful regardless of their colour of their skin, we have an exceptional body quality can not figure out why? Why we want to westernise our beauty? Why deprive us of a strong body and beautiful? Why give up the beautiful afro hair?
    When did this unpleasant situation? How come we have lost our pride in being black women? I see many black women who don’t want to embrace the values afro hair preferring to fake hair smooth lifeless! The Westerners hair is no nice,
    I don’t like it doesn’t give me life, I don’t feel energy! Black women are ashamed of themselves, we made conditional by whites deeming those who I have a say! For me, the white people don’t have say in how I have to dress up or wear my hair! I love my sisters my point of beauty are black women no white women!
    White women didn’t taught me what it means to be a black woman, black women have teached me! Black women should to be solidarity with themselves!
    White women are not in solidarity with us! Remember this!


  20. Brilliantly written and very insightful. Personally, I will never understand, especially in this day and age, that people notice color first. Black women are truly beautiful, and I am so very sorry that certain white men don’t know how lucky they are to be in a relationship with one. So very sad.

    God bless!


  21. There is absolutely no doubt that when a beautiful black women enters a room with her lovely smile ,full lips, beautiful eyes and curves of a Goddess, men’s heads will turn. So all of you lovely black ladies stand proud, hold your heads up high because you are beautiful and we truly appreciate you. In my opinion and I speak from the heart, it has nothing to do with white men’s validation, that’s nonsense!! Ladies you simply ‘ROCK’!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    From Harry (caucasion) in London UK


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