So, there was a video put out by Buzzfeed, which dramatized the infamous OK Cupid and the ayi dating app. In the video, models are used to represent the various races and genders that were represented in the studies.

See for yourself:

I’ll try to keep it brief. As many of you know, I am a Black woman who struggled with self-image and self-esteem throughout my adolescence. It’s still a struggle sometimes. However, I am no longer bothered by studies and videos such as these and let me explain why.


From a Non-Superficial/ Greater Perspective: 

I know who I am. I come from my parents and I have their blood in me. As the descendant of a once-enslaved people, I have the blood of survivors and the blood of people who overcame great adversity inside me. I carry the features and mannerisms of my ancestors and my very existence is a testament to their tenacity and courage. I am honored to be in their image and I could not imagine looking any other way.

True beauty comes from living a life of love and kindness. What some app says does not define who you are. You define who you are. I must tell myself this again and again or life can get depressing, but sometimes I am a hypocrite about it, I admit. Today, I am going to be a hypocrite and write about the superficial stuff.


From a Superficial Perspective:

Now that we all know that at end of the day there’s more to life than just some dating app, I must get down to the superficial. I’m only human and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t superficial at times. So, I must tell you the hidden advantage of Black women being portrayed as the least desirable.

Simply put, I love the feeling I get when I’m what people least expect. When many people think of Black women, they have all these stereotypes in their mind. Many people expect to see a mammy, sapphire or Jezebel and when you are none of those things, some people do not know what to do with themselves. It is rewarding, on so many levels, to prove someone wrong.

I have had experiences where I’ve put on a dress, some eye liner and had men of all races that were surprised that *GASP* there was such a thing as an attractive Black women…and then they just stare at you in bewilderment. Most women can tell when a man is looking at them… well when you are a Black woman and people don’t expect to be attracted to you, but they are…it makes that look (and desire) all the more intense.  It’s puzzling, yet alluring to some men (and women) when you are not what they expect a Black woman to be.

But, let me tell you where the real hidden advantage comes in. When men aren’t expecting to be attracted to you, but they are…it’s like they are discovering you for the first time. You become mysterious, rare and exotic  and that puts you at an advantage because most men love the thrill of discovery and exploration. But, no one is expecting you to be anything other than the stereotypes they have in their mind, so they don’t even see you coming.

This is why Black women should stop seeking mainstream media acceptance. Being undiscovered gives us a distinct advantage. We should spend time not dwelling on the negative stuff, but instead investing ourselves in our positive attributes and beauty. The more we love ourselves, care for ourselves and value ourselves, the less other people will feel like they can treat us in a disrespectful manner.

So in summary, don’t let these studies get to you. We are much more than we’re made out to be and we do have a distinct advantage, trust me.

On an even more superficial note, I’d love to see a video about interracial marriage and divorce rates(though i doubt it)…wonder who’d come in first and last for that… *wink wink*